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love * peace * adventure

» Humor Compatibility: What is it? Do you need it?


Ask most people what they want in a partner and they'll say a sense of humor. But what if the two of you don't find the same things funny? Are you doomed?



A dribble glass. A whoopee cushion. A seltzer bottle. A snake in a can.

Let’s face it. Lots of people love the old Vaudevillian humor. And lots don’t.

Lots of people also love to pepper their conversations with clever references to classic TV shows and pop culture. And lots haven’t even heard of Barney Fife or the Soup Nazi.

So what happens if two people from different humor categories pair up? Is the relationship doomed? You might worry that it is, depending on how much your whole comedy repertoire is built on The Andy Griffith Show or classic Seinfeld episodes. On the other hand, your partner missing a humorous reference might be only a minor blip on your overall compatibility screen.

So just how crucial is it that two people are compatible, humor-wise?

Humor Incompatibility is NOT a Problem When…

You have lots of fun when you are together. Having identical senses of humor is not critical for relationship success. But enjoying each other, and the time you spend together, is. It’s not at all a must that you crack each other up all the time. What’s much more important is that when you are together, you make each other happy and enjoy the other things you have in common.

Humor is going in at least one direction. Both partners don’t have to be comedians. But if you are someone who values wit and loves to make other people laugh, it’s best if your partner at least enjoys your humor. It might be too dry, or too goofy, for their preference. But if they can at least understand and have fun when you’re doing your thing, then that’s a good sign that the relationship is on solid ground.

There are plenty of other good qualities in your relationship. Think about it: There are plenty of relationship components where compatibility matters a lot more than humor. For example, what if you had really different ideas about what it means to communicate well? To resolve conflict? To be committed? To relate with each other physically and intimately? If your relationship is strong and working well in the areas where compatibility definitely matters, then don’t sweat it if only one of you loves The Three Stooges.

Humor Incompatibility MAY BE a Problem When…

You feel that the other person doesn’t get you. Not getting your jokes may not be a problem at all. But that’s a lot different from not getting you as a person, or what you enjoy or care about. Your partner may not understand why you like Woody Allen movies, and that’s fine. But if they don’t understand why you like to explore the deeper parts of life and sometimes find humor there, that may be a bigger issue.

The incompatibility causes actual relational conflict. If, for example, a difference in humor ends up making one of you feel insecure, or less valued by the other person, then that’s a problem. Or if one of you doesn’t feel included when you are out with the other one’s friends because you don’t share their way of relating on that level, then that can make for issues you have to deal with together.

The other person’s style of humor communicates a lack of respect or a failure to understand what’s important to you. A sense of humor that is cruel, or that belittles other people, is fairly normal for a teenager. But many people would feel that for an adult in a serious relationship, this type of comedy is actually a sign of immaturity or even a lack of compassion and empathy. Not finding a joke funny is one thing; feeling that the joke speaks to larger relational and character issues is another. Here at eHarmony, we believe that in the pursuit of a real and lasting connection between two people, compatibility is key. As our founder, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, is fond of saying, “Similarities are like deposits in a savings account, and significant differences are like withdrawals. With enough deposits and a significant balance, small withdrawals are hardly noticed.”

What most of this comes down to is a question of how well you two mesh with each other overall—how many “similarity deposits” you make in your relational bank. If you two are a good match in most ways, then the chances are that a little bit of humor incompatibility isn’t going to be anything more than a minor withdrawal.

On the other hand, if substantial compatibility issues already exist between you—so that your personalities aren’t quite matching up in ways other than whether you agree on the genius of prop comics like Gallagher and Carrot Top—then there are likely bigger problems than humor that you two are going to have to contend with.

So in the end, the question isn’t really about whether a certain amount of humor incompatibility is going to wreck the connection between you. The real issue, when it really comes down to it, is how well you two match up in the important areas of your relationship. If you feel like there’s strong and consistent compatibility in those areas, then don’t worry; inside jokes and humor compatibility often develop within a relationship over time. If the important parts of your relationship are solid, you two will most likely be laughing together for years to come.

» Do we have Enough in Common?


We like each other a lot, but we don't have much in common. Can we maintain a relationship?



First of all, you should know that a cornerstone of our philosophy here at eHarmony is that strong, long-lasting relationships are based on compatibility between two people. That’s where we’re coming from when we answer a question like this.

But even given that starting point, there’s still the question of what compatibility really means, and how much of it needs to exist in order for a relationship to work out. So let’s give you a chance to look at the issue in more depth.

Here’s a little exercise to help you two determine how much you have in common, and what areas are most important to you when it comes to compatibility within your relationship. This exercise could take up a whole weekend (or more) if you let it, but we recommend holding yourself to 20-30 minutes. That way neither of you feels overwhelmed at the thought of having to “process” together for more than a little while.

First, get together and make two lists. In the first list, name all of the similarities that exist between you. There’s probably an infinite number of possibilities to explore, but here are a few to get you started:

• common interests

• activities you both enjoy

• principles you believe in

• philosophies that guide you

• relational tendencies

• goals for the future

• family relationships

• time-management preferences

• ways you relate with other people in your life

• how you think about and plan for the future

Again, this is only a partial list to help you begin thinking about the areas in your life where you two share important similarities. After you make your lists of likenesses, draw up a list of differences between you. Where do you two diverge when it comes to both minor and major details of your lives?

You don’t have to list every little similarity and difference, but make your lists are comprehensive enough to get a good picture of where you two are alike, and where you are dissimilar.

Then, once you have worked together to compile these lists, separate from each other and sit down alone for a few minutes.

As individuals, think about the two lists you just put together, and answer these three questions:

What are my NON-NEGOTIABLES when it comes to Compatibility?

In what areas of you relationship are you simply unwilling to budge at all? This may have to do with your most cherished beliefs. Perhaps you need to be with someone who believes essentially the same things you do when it comes to your religion or spirituality. Or maybe your non-negotiables are about relationship-related issues. For example, you might decide that a person needs to be a skilled communicator in order for you to be willing to consider some sort of serious commitment. Or maybe you decide to list a mutual willingness to be faithful as one of your non-negotiables. Whatever you include on this list, the point is that you put down the areas of your relationship where it is not all right for you two to be very different.

What are my SEMI-NEGOTIABLES when it comes to Compatibility?

In what areas of your relationship would you at least consider allowing for a lack of complete compatibility? Again, this might have to do with beliefs and values. For instance, whereas it might be a deal-killer for your partner to be of a different religion, you might be willing to be with someone who has different specific beliefs that emerge from the same basic world view. What you are trying to do in this list is to create a set of issues that you care about, but that in a serious relationship, you would be at least open to discussing the idea of agreeing to disagree.

What are my NEGOTIABLES when it comes to Compatibility?

Again, when you are answering these three questions, you should keep in mind your lists of similarities and differences—the lists you and your partner came up with just before separating to answer these questions. And for this third question, focus especially on the list of differences. Are there items on that list that, when you really think about them, don’t seem to be “do or die” issues? It may not ultimately matter, for example, that one of you loves the National League, and the other loves the American League. Or that one of you thinks New Kids on the Block was more talented than N’ Sync, and the other feels just the opposite. We’re not saying that you should ignore or minimize major distinctions that exist between you. But we do think that many differences between partners often come down to minor issues that require cooperation and compromise. So see how many of your differences might actually be negotiable.

Once you’ve answered these questions individually, come back together and discuss your answers. You should now have a pretty clear understanding of how much you have in common, and where you’re pretty different. And, you’ll be much better able to decide, together, how important those differences between you are.

It might be that you determine that you two are simply incompatible in several areas that matter most to each of you. If this is the case, then it’s probably time to have a serious discussion regarding whether it’s worth continuing to invest in this relationship

On the other hand, you may find out that you have much more in common than you realized, and that even where you two differ, there’s plenty of room for negotiation and compromise. In that case, you can continue to put maximum effort into the relationship, knowing that you’ve got a good chance to build on that compatibility and create something really special together.

» 10 Signs He's Into You


Just because he doesn't bring you flowers twice a week or serenade you by moonlight doesn't mean that he's not into you. These signs will let you know that he's smitten.

Wondering if that cutie you’re dating digs you for real? The clues to knowing if he’s genuinely into you aren’t the big, showy gestures you might think. So stop keeping score on flowers, gifts, and fancy dinners.

Instead, pay attention to the little things, especially your potential boyfriend’s behavior both on dates and in between. Check out the following 10 signs that show your sweetie’s really into you.

1. He Calls for no Reason

If your guy’s really into you, he doesn’t wait five days after a date to call you. Instead, he calls you whenever he feels like it, even if it’s just to say hi and see how your day is going. If you’ve been dating a lot of players recently, this new, emotionally available behavior may seem startling. Don’t criticize or judge it. Instead, enjoy it!

2. He Actively Seeks out your Company

Not only does your guy call if he’s really into you, but he also makes an effort to see you regularly. And it’s not just about having a hot date on Saturday night. When a guy genuinely likes you, he wants to spend time with you, regardless of what you do together. So if your cutie invites you to hang out and watch movies at his place, get coffee after work, or meet at the Laundromat on Sunday night so you can keep each other company while washing your clothes, chances are good that he’s into you. If you feel comfortable, reciprocate by seeking out his company.

3. He Makes Time for you in his Life

Even in our overly scheduled modern-day lives, if a guy’s into you, he makes time for you. So if he calls to say he’s going away on a business trip for a few days but would like to see you before he goes, wants to talk while he’s away, or is intent on making plans once he returns, all signs point to the fact that he’s honestly into you. Make sure you make time for your man, regardless of your own busy schedule.

4. His Friends know about You

Chances are, you’ve dated the kind of guy who showers you with attention and gifts and also chases you incessantly, but never introduces you to the other people in his life. While this behavior may be confusing, the truth is that when a guy is really into you, he includes you in his entire life. That means his friends know about you. And not just how hot or sexy you are, but how interesting, funny, and amazing you are. As time goes on, he not only tells his friends about you, but he introduces you to them and makes you a part of his inner circle. Show your appreciation by making an effort to get to know his friends.

5. He Takes the Time to get to know your Friends

Not only does a guy who’s into you share his friends with you, but he takes the time to get to know and appreciate your friends. And while a player might seize the opportunity to flirt with your girlfriends, a guy who’s really into you shows genuine interest in your gal pals while reserving his affection for you only. Let him know that you appreciate him by returning his affections.

6. He Maintains eye Contact

When you’re with your sweetie, a sure sign that he’s into you is his ability to comfortably make and maintain eye contact. If a guy has ulterior motives or just isn’t interested in who you really are, he won’t bother looking you in the eye. So if your cutie catches and keeps your gaze, smile and return his gaze, enjoying the fact that he’s really into you.

7. He Leans in when you’re Talking

Not only will your man maintain eye contact if he’s into you, but his body language will be equally telling. If he leans in when you talk, keeps his torso facing you, maintains eye contact, and doesn’t cross his arms and legs defensively, he’s showing you his emotional availability and interest through his body. Be sure to practice the same kind of physical communication with your own body language.

8. He Listens

If your potential boyfriend’s body language tells you that he’s into you, the next sign to look for is how well he listens and responds to you. Is the conversation always all about him or does he ask you questions, seek out your opinion, and genuinely seem interested in what you have to say? When a guy’s really into you, he not only makes you a part of the conversation, but he also asks for your input, listens intently, and responds appropriately. Let your love interest know that you’re interested by listening and responding to him, as well.

9. He Regularly Touches You

While a player may engage in inappropriate levels of PDA, a guy who’s really into you may be less demonstrative. However, that doesn’t mean he won’t touch you at all. In fact, if you’re dating someone who’s really into you, he’ll routinely touch your arm when he’s talking, stroke your back reassuringly, and hold your hand when the time is right. These displays of affection show respect, intimacy, and interest. If you feel comfortable, let him know you’re interested by gently touching him in a similar fashion from time to time.

10. He Takes an Interest in your Interests

A surefire way to know if your man sees a future with you is if he takes an interest in your interests. Even if it’s something that doesn’t appeal to him, like Pilates, painting, or your Portuguese language lessons, he’ll encourage you to pursue your interests and ask you about them. Be sure to return the favor and engage him about his own interests. So there you have it – ten surefire signs that the guy you’re dating is really into you. Once you educate yourself on the signals that matter, you’ll be better equipped to see and sift through the superficial players in your environment and then identify the genuine gems worth dating.

» Is Your Friend Really a "Frenemy"?


Is your so-called friend really a "Frenemy"--a malicious person who subtly puts you down? If you suspect the answer is yes, it's time to learn the signs and ditch that frenemy fast.

In the worlds of dating, personal success and self-esteem, our close friends are our bedrock. They give us a foundation of acceptance and advice, a solid base from which we can build ourselves into the people we want to become. But if we choose our friends poorly, their bad intentions can nibble away at our self-esteem like termites on a floorboard. Look around you – is that friend who’s hanging out at your house using you emotionally to make herself feel better? Is she a true friend or a “frenemy”?

Is she Complimenting you or Keeping you in your Place?

The hard thing about spotting frenemies is that they usually don’t intend to hurt you. They just want to boost their own egos and feel superior. And the best way to do that is to make someone else, namely you, toe the line just behind where they want to be standing. A frenemy, therefore, uses compliments that have a demeaning subtext. Be wary if your friend gives you backhanded compliments like these:

“Those boots look pretty good for someone with your build.”

“He seems much better than the guys you normally attract.”

“If I were you, I’d be very happy to get flowers!”

These so-called compliments are a frenemy’s way of letting you know that she has lower standards for you than she has for herself. And that can be worse for your self-esteem than any putdown from a known enemy.

A frenemy will make constant suggestions that seem helpful, but she really only makes them to buttress her sense of self-superiority. When it comes to clothes, she may suggest that you wear something, and then smirk and say that she’d never wear something like that herself. When it comes to dating, a frenemy may constantly encourage you to date guys or gals who are really wrong for you or whom you may not even find attractive or interesting. Your frenemy may hint that the person you have the hots for would never stoop to dating someone like you. Whatever they say, frenemies tend to talk to you in ways that chip away at your self-esteem.

Is She Helping You Edit Your Best Self or Rewriting Your Best Traits?

Now, not all criticisms are bad. One of the great things about friends is that we can reveal ourselves to them, warts and all, and expect some positive feedback.

Sure, sometimes our little quirks may annoy our friends to death, and vice versa! But friends accept us for who we are and try to help us anyway. If we ride in the rodeo, they’ll tell us which lariat works best with our silver spurs. If we play Dungeons and Dragons, they always want us to roll a 12 on our 12-sided die, even if they tell us not to talk about elves so much in public. They care about us and want us to make a great first (and second impression) on the people we’re dating, while still making sure we’re true to our wonderful, lovable selves.

A frenemy, on the other hand, might see a success in your personal life as an affront to her. If she chooses not to go bicycling with you, and you wind up meeting a great guy who’s into 10-speeds and actually looks good in bike shorts, in her mind, that means he’s a loser. She’ll probably let you know in no uncertain terms how ridiculous she finds your new beau and your biking hobby, in general, all the while trying to drag you to her favorite activities and negating what you want to do. Her words are coming from a place of jealousy and self-doubt. Your successes seem to prove that she’s not really a step ahead of you and that she doesn’t really have all the answers. To correct this, she’ll try to get you feeling bad about yourself so that she can corral you back into line behind her.

So watch out if you find your friend attacking you for the things you love about yourself the most. A friend who tells you which Foghat T-shirt looks the least geeky is a true friend, but the friend who tells you that your taste in shirts and bands is passé may be trying to put you down to bolster her own self-worth. And that’s not a friend you can count on.

What You Say About Her Says It All

Unfortunately, the friend vs. frenemy debate is not a hard-and-fast comparison. Most of our friends are going to have cranky days once in a while. But most of the time, we should find their imperfections endearing. The fact that Danny always spills his drink everywhere and Suzy sings R.E.M. songs at her desk may annoy us. But even when we complain, we’ve got big grins on our faces.

Not so with frenemies. If you feel devastated after a phone call with her, that’s a bad sign. If you’re talking with other friends and find yourself constantly complaining about the way a certain friend talks to you,” or worse, constantly asking your other friends for reassurance about doubts in your mind planted by that friend, then you may be in a toxic relationship that is holding you back from being at your best.

Next time your friend calls to come over or do something with you, after you hang up the phone, think about what you’d say if you had people over to talk with. Is your impulse to cheer that your friend is going to spend time with you? Or do you want to open the window and scream, “Why does Lucinda talk to me like that?” Know the signs and make sure that you don’t let yourself get bogged down by spies in the house of friendship.

Are some of your friends “frenemies”? Are there other things friends can do besides the ones listed here to wind up in your frenemy zone? And are those friendships salvageable? Let us know your thoughts and experiences from your own friendships.

» 8 Bad Reasons to Break Up


If have a reputation as a bit of a heartbreaker, you're probably ending relationships for the wrong reasons. After all, not every bad day has to spell the end and not every problem is insurmountable. Wondering if you're throwing in the towel too soon? Check out 8 bad reasons to break up.

For many of us, it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but far too many fold before they’ve really tried to make it work. Not every bad day has to spell the end and not every problem is insurmountable.

But how do you know when you’re giving up too soon? Here are eight terrible reasons to break up with someone…

1) You've Had a Big Fight

Having a row with your partner is as inevitable as Thanksgiving with the in-laws. But not only is having a conflict with your partner not a reason to break up, it’s often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don’t clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.

2) Your Partner Doesn’t Like Everything you Like

So your new boyfriend doesn’t want to spend the weekends antiquing or your new girlfriend would rather turn the TV to a channel other than ESPN. That’s perfectly fine – and again, no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French – vive la difference!

3) Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive

Just because you’ve captured another’s heart, it doesn’t mean that you’ve removed the eyes from that person’s head, too. Even when fully loved up, it’s crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to the attractiveness of others. Physically attractive people are all around us, on TV, in film and even in the local supermarket, so it’s naïve to think that they’ll go unnoticed. There’s even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you’d better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they’re mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.

4) You Don’t Have Time for a Relationship

Yes, we all know how important your career is right now and that the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You’re a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. So sure, go to the gym, put in some overtime at work, write a book, save the planet. But understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.

5) Baggage Has Got you Down

We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you’ve had a bad experience in your past, it doesn’t mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner, and just because that person treated you badly doesn’t mean that your new partner will, too.

6) He or She Doesn’t Do as you Say

While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won’t sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people’s need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you’re not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don’t like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it’s your issue, not your partner’s, and it’s not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it’s a recurring theme for you, maybe it’s time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.

7) You Let Petty Things Get in the Way

A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it’s easy to pick on what’s wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: “OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green.” “I’m so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we’re in her car.” If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship, and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.

8) The Relationship Doesn’t Always Make you Happy

Love may be a many splendored thing, but a relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. It’s not the answer to everything, nor is it an escape from all ills or an elixir to bring a perma-smile to your face. A partner can obviously be a great support in your life, but you’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all hobbies and ambitions or dreams because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs, you’re doing yourself – and your partner – a disservice, and are piling on far too much pressure. For it to work, YOU have to work, so look inside before casting the blame on someone else. It’ll be good for your relationship – and good for you, too.

» Optimism and Your Health


Upbeat lyrics privide an appeling call to a positive outlook on life, even in the face of adversity. Indeed, a cheerful dispostion can help you get through the tough patches that clound every life, but do people who see the glass half-full also enjoy better health than gloomy types who see it half-empty?

According to a series of studies from the U.S. and Europe, the answer is yes. Optimism helps people cope with disease and recover from surgery. Even more impressive is the impact of a postive outlook early in life can predict better health and a lower rate of death during follow-up periods of 15 to 40 years.

Measuring optimism

To investigate optimism, scientists first needed to develop reliable ways to measure the trait. Two systems are in widespread use; one measures dispositional optimism, the other explanatory style.

Dispositional optimism depends on positive expectations for one's future. These are not confined to one or two aspects of life, but are generalized expectations for a good outcome in several areas. Many researchers use the 12-item life Orientation Test to measure dispositional optimism.

Explanatory style is based on how a person explains good or bad news. The pessimist assumes blame for bad news, assumes the situation is stable, and has a global impact. The optimist, on the other hand, does not assume blame for negative events. Instead, he tends to give himeself credit for good news, assume good things will last, and be confident that positive developments will spill over into many areas of his life. Reserchers often use either the Attributional Style Questionnaire or the Content Analysis of Verbatim Explanations method to evaluate optimism based on explanatory style.

Sports fans will get a kick from a French study of cardiovascular mortality. On july 12, 1988, France bested Brazil in the biggest sporting event ever held in France, the finals of the World Cup of soccer. French men enjoyed a lower cardiovascular death rate on July 12 than on the average of the other days between July 7 and July 17, but French women did not. Doctors don't know why fatal heart attacks declined; perhaps a burst ofoptimism is responsible.

Optimism and cardiac patients

In some studies, researchers have concentrated on the link between optimism and specific medical conditions. It tell us that a heart full of joy and gladness can banish trouble and strife - and now scientists tell us that optimism many help the heart itself.

In one studay, doctors evaluated 309 middle-aged patients who were scheduled to undergo coronary artery bypass surgery. In addition to a complete pre-operative physical exam, each patient underwent a psychological evaluation designed to measure optimism, depression, neuroticism, and self-esteem. The researchers tracked all the patients for six months after surgery. When they analyzed the data, they found that optimists were only half as likely as pessimists to require re-hospitalization. In a similar study of 298 angioplasty patients, optimism was also protective; over a six-month period, pessimists were three times more likely than optimists to have heart attacks or require repeat angioplasties or bypass operations.

Optimism and blood pressure

A sunny outlook may help people recover after a cardiac procedure, but can it also reduce the risk of develoing one of the major risks for cardiovascular disease - hypertension? Research conducted in Finland suggests it can. Scientists evaluated 616 middle-aged men who had normal blood pressures when the study began. Each volunteers's mental outlook was checked with questions about his expectations for the future, and each was evaluated for cardiovascular risk factors such as smoking, obesity, physical inactivity, alcohol abuse, and a family history of hypertension. Over a four-year period, hightly pessimistic men were three times more likely to develop hypertension than cheeriersouls, even after other risk factors were taken into account.

An American study of 2500 men and women who were 65 and older also found that optimism is good for blood pressure. Researchers used a four-time, positive emotion summary scale to evaluate each participant during a home visit. They also measureed blood pressure, height, and weight and collected information about age, martial status, alcohol use, diabetes, and medication. Even after taking these other factors into account, people with positive emotions had lower blood pressures than those with a negative outlook. On average, the people with the most positive emotions had the lowest blood pressures.

A 2006 study explored the link between emotions and viral infections of the respiratory tract. Scientists evaluated the personality style of 193 healthy volunteers, then gave each a common respiratory virus. Subjects who displayed a positive personality style were less likely to develop viral symptoms than their less positive peers.

Optimism and heart disease

High blood pressure is an important cause of coronary artery disease. If optimism can reduce the risk of hypertension, can it also protect against developing coronary artery disease itself? to Find out, scientists from Harvard and Boston University evaluated 1300 men with an average age of 61. Each volunteer was evaluated for an optimistic or pessimistic explanatory style as well as for blood pressure, cholesterol, obestiy, smoking, alcohol use, and family history of heart disease. None of the men had been diagnosed with coronary artery disease when the study began. Over the next 10 years, the most pessimistic men were more than twice as likely to develop heart disease than the most optimistic men, even after taking other risk factors into account.

Optimism and overall health

Optimism appears to protect the heart and circulation—and it's heartening to learn that it can have similar benefits for overall health.

A large, short-term study evaluated the link between optimism and overall health in 2,300 older adults. Over two years, people who had a positive outlook were much more likely to stay healthy and enjoy independent living than their less-cheerful peers.

Staying well for two years is one thing, remaining healthy for the long haul another. But for 447 patients who were evaluated for optimism as part of a comprehensive medical evaluation between 1962 and 1965, the benefits of a positive outlook were desirable indeed. Over a 30-year period, optimism was linked to a better outcome on 8 measures of physical and mental function and health.

Experienced clinicians know that humor is good medicine. Now researchers in Tennessee tell us it may also provide a bit of a workout. They found that genuine, voiced laughter boosts energy consumption and heart rate by 10 percent to 20 percent. That means a 10- to 15-minute belly laugh might burn anywhere from 10 to 40 calories. It's a lot of laughing for a few calories, but optimists will be tickled by the result.

Optimism and survival

It's obvious that healthy people live longer than sick people. If optimism actually improves health, it should also boost longevity—and according to two studies from the U.S. and two from the Netherlands, it does.

The first American study evaluated 839 people in the early 1960s, performing a psychological test for optimism-pessimism as well as a complete medical evaluation. When the people were rechecked 30 years later, optimism was linked to longevity; for every 10-point increase in pessimism on the optimism–pessimism test, the mortality rate rose 19 percent.

A newer U.S. study looked at 6,959 students who took a comprehensive personality test when they entered the University of North Carolina in the mid-1960s. During the next 40 years, 476 of the people died from a variety of causes, with cancer being the most common. All in all, pessimism took a substantial toll; the most pessimistic individuals had a 42 percent higher rate of death than the most optimistic.

The two Dutch studies reported similar results. In one, researchers tracked 545 men who were free of cardiovascular disease and cancer when they were evaluated for dispositional optimism in 1985. Over the next 15 years, the optimists were 55 percent less likely to die from cardiovascular disease than the pessimists, even after traditional cardiovascular risk factors and depression were taken into account.

The other study from Holland evaluated 941 men and women between the ages of 65 and 85. People who demonstrated dispositional optimism at the start of the study enjoyed a 45 percent lower risk of death during a 9-year follow-up period.

Possible mechanisms

Taken together, these studies argue persuasively that optimism is good for health. But why? What puts the silver in the silver lining?

Skeptics (or pessimists) might suggest that the effect is more apparent than real. People who are healthy are likely to have a brighter outlook than people who are ill, so perhaps optimism is actually the result of good health instead of the other way around. To counter this argument, researchers can adjust their results for pre-existing medical conditions, including physical problems such as diabetes, heart disease, and hypertension, and mental problems such as depression. The studies that made these adjustments found that medical conditions did not tarnish the benefits of a bright outlook on life. Moreover, by tracking people for 15, 30, and 40 years, scientists can minimize the potential bias of pre-existing conditions.

Another explanation is behavioral. It is possible that optimists enjoy better health and longer lives than pessimists because they lead healthier lifestyles, build stronger social support networks, and get better medical care. Indeed, some studies report that optimists are more likely to exercise, less likely to smoke, more likely to live with a spouse, and more likely to follow medical advice than pessimists. But optimism is not generally associated with a better diet or a leaner physique, and even when results are adjusted for cardiovascular risk factors, a beneficial effect of optimism persists.

In addition to behavioral advantages, optimism may have biological benefits that improve health. A 2008 study of 2,873 healthy men and women found that a positive outlook on life was linked to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, even after taking age, employment, income, ethnicity, obesity, smoking, and depression into account. In women, but not men, a sunny disposition was also associated with lower levels of two markers of inflammation (C-reactive protein and interleukin-6), which predict the risk of heart attack and stroke. Other possible benefits include reduced levels of adrenaline, improved immune function, and less active clotting systems.

Finally, heredity may explain some of the link. It is possible that genes predispose some people to optimism, and that the same genes exert a direct effect on health and longevity.

Blue skies

More study is needed to clarify the link between optimism and good health. It's likely that multiple mechanisms are involved.

Personality is complex, and doctors don't know if optimism is hard-wired into an individual or if a sunny disposition can be nurtured in some way. It's doubtful that McLandburgh Wilson was pondering such weighty questions when he explained optimism in 1915:

"Twixt the optimist and pessimist / The difference is droll / The optimist sees the doughnut / But the pessimist sees the hole.”

Today's doctors don't think much of doughnuts, but they are accumulating evidence that optimism is good for health. As you await the results of new research, do your best to seek silver linings, if not doughnuts.