» The Successful First Date

Ah, the first date. Whether you met Online or someone set you up, that first encounter can make or break your outcome in ways you may not have even considered. Just as first impressions are everything in a job interview, the first date can be instant success or immediate dismay - and much of it you can control with a few simple steps take ahead of time.

1. Who are you? Really?

Are you 45 and posting your photos on the Internet from when you were thirty-some-thing? Back in the days when didn't worry about that touch of gray or those extra 20 pounds? WEll, whether you're a guy or a gal, just how long do you think you can fool your date once you meet in person? I was absolutely shocked when I met a guy for our first date after hooking up on the Net. His photos were incredible! He was fit and absolutely tall, dark, through the nearly empty bar 3 times looking for him, wondering if he'd arrived yet or not, one thing had stood out from our phone conversation... he had said, "My hair is much longer now than in my pictures."

No kidding. I finally walked up to the only man with long hair (a ponytail, actually) and asked him if he was John. He was. All extra 30 pounds and 20 years more than his photos led me to believe he was. I couldn't believe this was even the same man. Need I say more? If he couldn't be honest with me about who he is, what else might yet be up his sleeve? I didn't stick around to find out. And for you gals, while your Glamour Shot may seem downright hot to you, most men I chatted with say they perfer "real" photos. They want to know what you're going to look like even in the morning without your makeup. Most of us can look pretty hot with enough makeup and a stylist ... but who are you really? And truthfully, most guys asked women to please cut back on the makeup ... high maintenance women are a turn-off, they say.

2. Shut up and Listen

Getting to know each other enough during the course of one simple date requires both parties to each take turns listening and speaking. Sometimes folks are so nervous that they either can't seem to say two words, or more commonly, one person vomits information ad nauseum, driving the other one completely nuts. Men, it seems, in the typical job interview, want to be sure they tell a potential employer absolutely everything about themselves, so that nothing is left out.

Women, on the other hand, have learned that to express their interest in men, they should keep asking men questions to show their interest. The result is oftentimes a guy who talks forever, a woman who keeps giving him reason to, and then both parties end up lost at the end of the night as the guy knows almost nothing about the woman and the gal thinks all he wants to do is talk about himeself!

What men might not know is the unwritten rule that women have about taking turns when they talk. One person goes first, talks a while, then turns to the other and asks a specific question to open the dooor for the second gal to talk. Then the first gal intently listens. It's our unwritten rule and it is always confusing to us when men don't demonstrate this common behavior. Equal listening and talking are key to getting to know your date - at least enough to learn if you have anything in common.

3. Sex Talk

Guys - I don't care if you're teasing, flirting, or just trying to break the ice, mentioning anything to do with sex on the first date is suicide, if what you're looking for is a deep, long-term relationship. Now if all you're looking for is a one night stand, then cast your lines out there because the gals who are looking for that will catch it and you can both count on short-term satisfaction and know that neither of you are in it for the bigger picture. Most gals want to get to know you first. The want to know that you like them as a person before you want to get know them intimately. And even if it's just verbal banter, sexual suggestions lead women to thinking that the guy behind it doesn't respect women enough to be in serious consideration.

Likewise - gals - if that kind of conversation keeeps you enthralled, then you're only telling the guy that those are the games you play too. So take your time. Save the sex talk for later. Be a lady and a gentleman. Besides, if you're not on your best behavior now, when will you be?

Make Dating Like Shooping

These are only a few steps to setting the state for a great first date. Of course if you're really turned on by tall, dark, and handsome and you end up with blonde, blue-eyed, and chatty ... I can't help you there. But always remember that dating is like shopping ... gals, you especially know what I mean here. There is not just one perfect little black dress. There are short sleeved, sleeveless, strapless, and silky. We all have something in mind that works for us. But on one says you have to buy the first one that shows up on the rack!

So know what you want, then go shopping. Enjoy the journey. Try many on for size. Remember that one size doesn't fit all. But that there's someone for everyone out there ... just don't blow the first date for the wrong reason!