» Is A Wink Just A Wink?

I'm a single women who uses internet dating. I don't respond to men who simply "wink" at me, rather than writing a note. If they were really interested, they would write an email, right?

I used to agree with that strategy, believing that if a man was serious about learning more, he'd bother to write a few sentences. But not any more. Here's why. I've heard from lots of kind, sweet men who have grown tired of composing thoughtful introductory emails only to be ignored. After spending tons of time getting absolutely no response from many women who can't be bothered to write back and say, "no thank you," they have understandably decided to try a safer, less time burdensome course - the wink.

Although I don't know precisely why the internet dating sites instituted the wink, let's just ay it's purpose is quick an dirty: I am interested in you, are you interested in me? Seems fair enough, simple and to the point. Sure, it'd be really nice for people to write more, but the typical lack of response in internet dating doesn't really reward that. So, are my recommendations.

For men - Realize that many women are turned off by your use of the wink. They think you must not be that interested if you can't write a few personalized sentences based on what you read in their profile. So, rather than risk a premature "no" from someone who may have been interested if you had shown more effort, why not compromise and write a very brief, couple sentence note thta shows you really read her profile and found something intriguing enough to write her. I agree, it's not worth a dissertation, since the prevailing response is silence.

For women: Realize it's tough on men to constantly be putting themselves at risk for rejection. Recognize that they often try, with no response. you'd get tired of trying too if you were rarely rewarded! See the wink for what it is: a hello with an invitation for more. So, if you find the man at all interesting, just give a wink back and ipen that door for him to walk through. Then let him follow up with a real email.

And feel free to initiate contact with a wink yourself. It's akin to batting your eyelashes and smiling! There are lots and lots of profiles online and there is no way to know if he's even seen yours. I've used a brief email or wink to let someone know that I am interested and I've met many wonderful men that way.

What if you are not interested? Well, I have found that many men really appreciate a quick note back just kindly stating that fact, especially if they wrote a note, but even if they winked. Try something like "Thanks for the wink/email. I bet you're a great guy/gal with lots to offer, but I don't think we'd make the best match. Good luck finding the right partner!" I was shocked to find how many men were actually grateful for any response, even a negative one, simply because they are so used to deafening silence.

For All - Let's remember that we are dealing with people's hopes and feelings here. The anonymity of the internet makes it easy for people to forget that. Rather than all the silence, ignoring, and random acts of disappearance going around, let's change the prevailing etiquette to something more along the liens of "Thank you, but no thanks." Let's return to common human decency and courtesy. Do your part to ake the internet dating world a kinder, gentler, more honest place to interact by making an effort to kindly respond to anyone who has the courage to knock on your door. Remember, we all have the same goal, to find true love, and it can be a heck of a rough world out there if we don't stick together!